Today I am reading from Ken Wapnick’s Journey Through the Text, vol. 4 page 182: The Process of Decision Making. Because when waking up this morning it was clear, when observing my state of mind, that I intended to go through my day with ego as my teacher… Fortunately there was also the thought, well this doesn’t feel good at all, I am clearly not in peace so I must have decide for the “wrong” teacher.
At that moment I felt strongly attracted to T-30.I Rules for Decision. While reading this I still found myself wanting to misunderstand the text, focusing on wanting to have a perfect day in form, instead of content, so I was clearly still choosing for guilt again.
And then I remembered this very strong and important little phrase in Italics: “Do not fight yourself” (T-30.I.1:7) , which I clearly intended to do from out my position of guilt.
And then the idea popped up to read Ken’s explanation on this particular chapter in his Journey Through The Text, vol 4 page 182.
Well that must have been the only “right” decision for this moment, because reading Ken’s comments kindly pushed me back to focus on the content and brought peace back in my mind with no doubt about really understanding the text now as it was intended to be by Jesus.
So, Jesus and Ken (and a little bit willingness), that is all I need.
Recently it really dawned to me that looking with ego always automatically involves looking from the perspective of my minds choice for and identification with the body: I Annelies (body) is looking with ego, which is impossible because there is no body (There is no world WpI.132.6:2).
And suddenly it really dawned to me, hé wait a minute, there is no Annelies body, there is only mind that projects an image, so it is just impossible that there is a body Annelies that is looking (eyes don’t see). It only looks like there is a body Annelies that is looking at the ego, because that is the ego’s way to hide that there is only mind! An Annelies body looking at the ego is just the reflection of the minds choice for separation.
On the other hand, looking with the other choice, the minds choice for looking with HS/J involves first looking at how the ego’s way of looking works, without analyzing or changing it to making a better version of it. And then realizing without judging it (so with HS/J) that whatever I think and believe I see is impossible, so I must be mistaken, so there must be another way. And at the same time it is the only way I will be able to learn the difference between ego and HS. HS/J meets me where I believe I am; seemingly experiencing a world in which I am a body.
So, it feels like “looking” moved on to a deeper level… moving from theory to an experience, or may by better, moving on from fear to Love.